manic expressive
Looking back on Her Space Holiday, that was about expression and a deep emo like love of female, when did this become something that represented evil or some sort of greed? Why are symbols becoming engulfed by the nothingness or representing hate when they should be representing some form of love, expression and this openess? I see that happening from the fucking birds and the rising phoenix to Fairfield, looking over everything it feels like that's what was happening. Symbols were becoming symbols of hate, strength becoming weakness. It's wrong, it's fucked up and never what I intended for any of this. Something's going right in the fixing on Fairfield in my mind. So I'm going to address this with the fact that you're all watching this, they're obviously inside my mind I see what's happening but if they're going to fuck me over with this situation then they're going to. I'm not going to allow it to happen but these are incredibly powerful people, on this living movie set that's so obviously a set I have to take into consideration I'm known for being a Conor Oberest of sorts, or atleast just being so painfully honest that it's embarrassing and relatable at the same time. Other than that what the fuck am I, the scrawny kid who wasn't so scrawny when this began? It is what it is and I have to comment on this ultimately.
I am naked before the world, what I represent to the outside world I have no fucking idea. I can't sit there or here rather or in Williamsburg and guess day and night taking this into consideration. I'm honest and everything from the No Doubt thing w/Jeanette is honest, I'm sure possibly awkward for the outside world and really at times something that I look upon and think shit, this is nothing like Velouria and I don't want it to be compared like that. It's honest and I have to represent something of the heart, a lack of cliche and hell if you wern't watching this on telly then it wouldn't be worth a damn thing.
I have to do something with this experience, God sometimes they throw a bone at me like just now and do something funny like make me laugh.
Man, this shit with my cock and the body functions they keep going through really fucking sucks.
I am not pleased with this, and last night it came into consideration that openly sharing the madness of this is not appealing.
It comes down to girls, isn't this something Lester Bangs said about the great art of the world being based on girls or people like us being the un-cool people. And I was just lucky enough to see a Nada Surf video to see a comment on midway popular and somewhat plan this out. I'm sort of genius, I'm sort of famous, I'm sort of hating the words like genius and beautiful that have been pushed into my head day and night. Atleast if I'm honest when I come out of this I can look back and say well I didn't lie I shared what was fucking happening it's a bizarre crazy position to be in and absolutely difficult to understand how it looks to the outside world. When I tell myself I don't care what others think it's not true, there's an audience I cater to and if I fail them then it is a fail. In the end of this situation I'm more or less in it alone with my friends talking through me and I can only use them as guides and share what I feel. I want the trine, if I'm wrong and it's a joke then I'm wrong and it's a joke. I did try to be good and I never actually lived the previous year as though I was in a war. Like you saw on the hospital bed, I didn't even know I was supposed to have an enemy in the show. The majority of this living version of T.M. was really me coming up with ways to deal with it and sharing, jumping and going through it. Some things were planned some weren't but I've shared all of it before.
I'm not sure how it looks on the outside. But it's a form of effort, creation, building insanity. I'm just taking all of this into consideration and feeling as though I really don't want to be perceived as crazy. There is an artistic process but this is all so far beyond the walls of reality I can only try and place into a form of verbalization what it all means.
<3
Skylar
I am naked before the world, what I represent to the outside world I have no fucking idea. I can't sit there or here rather or in Williamsburg and guess day and night taking this into consideration. I'm honest and everything from the No Doubt thing w/Jeanette is honest, I'm sure possibly awkward for the outside world and really at times something that I look upon and think shit, this is nothing like Velouria and I don't want it to be compared like that. It's honest and I have to represent something of the heart, a lack of cliche and hell if you wern't watching this on telly then it wouldn't be worth a damn thing.
I have to do something with this experience, God sometimes they throw a bone at me like just now and do something funny like make me laugh.
Man, this shit with my cock and the body functions they keep going through really fucking sucks.
I am not pleased with this, and last night it came into consideration that openly sharing the madness of this is not appealing.
It comes down to girls, isn't this something Lester Bangs said about the great art of the world being based on girls or people like us being the un-cool people. And I was just lucky enough to see a Nada Surf video to see a comment on midway popular and somewhat plan this out. I'm sort of genius, I'm sort of famous, I'm sort of hating the words like genius and beautiful that have been pushed into my head day and night. Atleast if I'm honest when I come out of this I can look back and say well I didn't lie I shared what was fucking happening it's a bizarre crazy position to be in and absolutely difficult to understand how it looks to the outside world. When I tell myself I don't care what others think it's not true, there's an audience I cater to and if I fail them then it is a fail. In the end of this situation I'm more or less in it alone with my friends talking through me and I can only use them as guides and share what I feel. I want the trine, if I'm wrong and it's a joke then I'm wrong and it's a joke. I did try to be good and I never actually lived the previous year as though I was in a war. Like you saw on the hospital bed, I didn't even know I was supposed to have an enemy in the show. The majority of this living version of T.M. was really me coming up with ways to deal with it and sharing, jumping and going through it. Some things were planned some weren't but I've shared all of it before.
I'm not sure how it looks on the outside. But it's a form of effort, creation, building insanity. I'm just taking all of this into consideration and feeling as though I really don't want to be perceived as crazy. There is an artistic process but this is all so far beyond the walls of reality I can only try and place into a form of verbalization what it all means.
<3
Skylar
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